An ancient part of our brain has two competing programs that run to ensure the survival of our species. The first is our mating program that rewards us (through the release of exciting neurochemicals like dopamine) for premiscuous thoughts and behaviour. To this part of the brain, the more partners the better, as this increases the chances for genetic diversity which actually increases the strength of our offspring's immune system.
The second program is our bonding program which releases hormones that bond us with our mate long enough to conceive and raise a child through the first few years of life. This is necessary as the human brain is too big to grow in utero, so a lot of the child's development takes place after labour. Due to this extended maturation period our genes have created a program to 'keep us together' while the child is developing a healthy neurological, emotional and energetic constitution.
Why is all this important?
Most of us don't realize it, but nearly all relationship problems are a result of an imbalance in these two programs. Both men and women fall into the trap of triggering our mating program (which is activated through convential s,e*x and org,asm). When s,e'x is goal orientated and focused on the big 'O' we trigger a sudden rush of dopamine which although feels great in the short term, triggers a crash and our dopamine levels fall way below normal.
This low dopamine state has been scientifically proven to last up to two weeks and creates a feeling of hunger, a need to release, a sense of dis-ease as if something is wrong. However, this sub-consious unsettling feeling is never felt as something wrong with us, but is always projected onto those we are in relationship with. When dopamine is low, we can feel irritable, hyper-sensitive, men crave 'space' and distance, women can become emotionally imbalanced and 'needy'. Both partners begin to go into defence thinking there is something 'wrong' with the relationship.
Often, the fix is to have more s,e'x which relieves the symtoms for a while but, over time they creep back. So what's the solution? Well, the solution is to activate the bonding program through the practice of open-hearted love. Although this sounds easy it can only occur through the integration of some essential understandings about our genetic, emotional, sub-conscious and spiritual make up.
Learning about your primitive Programming is just one of the 4 critical 'P's' that are vital to understand if you are serious about making your relationships an ecstatic union of blissful, heartfelt connection.
And these 4 essential cornerstones of healthy relationship represents just one piece of what I teach at my new 'Love, Relationships & You' events. It's also something I'm going to share with you in a new free video course that will be released next week. This new course will provide you with a thorough education about the critical and often over-looked aspects that make relationships fail and what you can do to make your intimate life come alive. Excited? You will be :-)
http://www.christianpankhurst.com
